


Well these days I'm fine, (no these days I tend to lie)

by this_evergreen_soul



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, alright alright alright, and dumps a pile of angst over them, and then we see what happens, basically this story takes the characters we know and love, i can't believe i'm actually writing fic for them, i have sunk to a new low, officially ML trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:33:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_evergreen_soul/pseuds/this_evergreen_soul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a super crime-fighting heroine was bound to take a toll on her eventually. Marinette struggles with leading a double life, some identity issues, and her feelings for the handsome boy with the green eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is my first Miraculous Ladybug fic and like everyone else I somehow found myself deep in this pit of trash and regret none of it. I love the show a lot, but I also love angst so......here is where I'm trying to have the best of both worlds. I'm still an amateur so lower your expectations sufficiently before reading on, and feel free to let me know what you think :) 
> 
> Title is from Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons!

* * *

 

Marinette had only _just_ disappeared into a random alley before her Ladybug transformation faded, letting her exchange her red-and-black-spotted suit for normal pink jeans and a dark gray blazer.

She was used to cutting it close, but this... this was _cutting it close_. She huffed a sigh before turning to check that no one accidentally witnessed her detransform, and after confirming that the coast was clear, Marinette started her trek home.

It had been a tough battle.

The akuma was nothing special -- just a hockey player with a sore-loser complex who decided to take it out on the opposing team by pelting them with, wouldn't you know it, hockey pucks. After quickly deducing that the akuma was in his hockey stick, she and Chat had taken care of the vengeful athlete easily enough.

However, this was the third akuma that had surfaced in the past week and _that_ was concerning. Her miraculous was powerful, but even the Ladybug stone had its limits. Her transformation had never worn off so quickly after a fight before, but it made sense. Her energy reserves were severely depleted after being used so often... meaning she was wearing her powers out. Not that Marinette hadn't already realized that was happening, her body was literally protesting every move she made, and that was _before_ today's battle. It's no wonder she could barely hold her transformation after curing the akuma-possessed civilian and running off to find some secluded place to change.

It was a relief, though, to know that she could trust Chat Noir to respect her privacy and not linger in hopes of finding out who she really was. Marinette knew he was tempted... though she had no clue why. She had no doubt once Chat figured out her real identity the allure of the mystery would wear off and he would wonder why on earth he had ever found himself smitten with such a plain girl.

A disaster waiting to happen, really.

Tikki was aware of these thoughts, as they passed through the dark-haired girl’s mind so often that she’d tried confiding in her kwami once or twice, though her little friend vehemently disagreed with that line of thinking.

“You’re _Ladybug_!” Tikki would exclaim in that high little voice of hers, “You’re brave and strong and you have admirers along every street in Paris. Plain is the last word anyone would use to describe you, Marinette.”

While Marinette couldn’t disagree, she also couldn’t help but feel Tikki was biased, and maybe looking at things the wrong way.

 

Marinette was not Ladybug.

 

Ladybug was Marinette. 

 

Marinette became Ladybug when she was under the power of the miracle stones, but at the end of the day -- at her very _core_ , her alter ego faded away and all that was left was herself. Just Marinette.

And _Marinette_ was not brave or strong or admired… not really. Not without the suit and mask, at least.

I mean, she could barely get Adrien to notice her _existence_ let alone _admire_ her!

And Chat… he only knew the superhero side of her. It’s why he, (and all of Paris, if Marinette was being honest) was so enthralled with her. Who wouldn’t love a spunky, heroic crime-fighting girl in a leather suit who spent her free time saving countless lives from Hawkmoth's attacks?

 _Ugh --_  Marinette turned onto yet another street as she continued her long walk home -- _these thoughts never lead anywhere good_ … She had no idea where all these insecurities were coming from. But it seemed like lately, they were all she could think about. She hadn't felt like this since her very first battle as Ladybug. Maybe she was just kidding herself. She was just lucky things had been so easy thus far... when it really came down to the serious stuff, Marinette just couldn't hold her own as Ladybug. 

_You're just being dramatic! Get a hold of yourself._

Marinette physically shook herself to try and ward off the dark thoughts. Looking around and hoping nobody had noticed her weird antics, she fought the urge to let out a bitter laugh at her ridiculousness at the risk of looking even more insane. 

You’d think gaining superpowers would do wonders for your self-esteem, and yet.. here she was. Mood ruined, shoulders slumped, feeling more defeated than she ever had after fighting one of Hawkmoth’s minions.

Marinette sighed for what felt like the millionth time in the past hour as she crossed the intersection by her favorite boutique, the gorgeous Parisian sunset doing nothing to lift her mood. It only served as a reminder of how late it was getting and how tired she was.

Thinking of all the homework she had waiting for her caused the young girl to groan out loud -- not only startling strangers passing by on the streets but also causing a few to glance over in concern and wonder what had such a sweet-looking girl so disheartened -- the last thing she wanted to do after such a long battle was stay up late trying to finish a mountain of homework only to fall asleep in class the next day anyways.

As Marinette saw the bakery come into view she slowed her pace a little, wishing for nothing more than the comfort of her warm, bright room but at the same time dreading her normal responsibilities.  

Thinking back to before she became Ladybug, Marinette couldn’t fight the yearning she felt to return to those simpler days. Back when she actually had time to work on her designs, hang out with her friends, and wasn’t forced to keep such a huge secret from the people she loved most.

But she immediately felt guilty for thinking such a thing -- if anyone was out there risking their lives to fight the akumas, it should be her! She wouldn’t wish such a burden on anyone else.

Or worse... leaving Chat Noir to fight on his own.

 _Add selfish to the list of your oh-so-desirable traits, Mari,_ \-- but before she could finish the thought the bell above the bakery door chimed, interrupting her self-loathing.

Thankfully the sound distracted her and prevented her thoughts from continuing down their dark path, she was already feeling discouraged as it was having to fight off monsters created by some villain out to get her -- she wouldn’t be able to handle it if she turned on _herself_. She had to stay positive!

Marinette shouted a quick hello to her parents who were back in the kitchen prepping for tomorrow's morning rush and trudged up the stairs to her bedroom. She tried to shake off this funk she was in and focus on the bright side of things. Tomorrow was Friday which meant she might have the whole weekend to relax and recuperate. Hopefully she could catch up on some schoolwork and even spend some time with Alya. She had been complaining that they hadn’t hung out in a while. And maybe if her ladybug luck held true she might not have any akumas to face either. The possibility of such a perfect-sounding weekend made Marinette hopeful as she sat at her desk and began working on the assignments she had due tomorrow.

Pulling out her tablet, she glanced quickly at the pictures on her wall -- mostly Adrien of course, but some of her parents, family from China, Alya, and some design snippets, (she even had a candid shot of Chat from the Ladyblog when he was caught mid-sneeze during a battle) -- Marinette felt her lips quirk a bit. She could do this. She had so many reasons to keep going. 

With her spirits sufficiently lifted, Marinette was able to get a good amount of work done despite the weariness settling into her bones. A few hours later she had made good progress, though she still had quite a bit to go. Marinette glanced over at the clock, yawning, and decided to reward herself with a short break.  

The last thing Marinette remembered was the hard surface of her tablet underneath her cheek as she failed to fight off the exhaustion dragging her under, promising to only rest her eyes for a few minutes…

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short! This is basically just a preview, the subsequent chapters will definitely be longer. But this was pretty much to see if anyone is actually even interested... let me know what you guys think :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi :) Happy New Year! I haven't had much time to work on this because I was in the middle of finals, then the holidays, and now I'm studying for my GRE's in about two weeks. Once that's over I'll have a lot more time to work on this fic though, which I'm really excited about. I had to get this chapter out because I was feeling somewhat inspired! And I also really wanted to get something out in Adrien's POV, because I think it contrasts so well with Marinette's. Now that we've established where everyone's mind is at, the real story begins next chapter :) Hope you enjoy!

* * *

 

Somewhere in Adrien’s mind at the moment he was definitely appreciating the beautiful way the sun was setting over his beloved Paris, but as he stood on his balcony and stared out toward the silhouette of the Eiffel Tower, all he could focus on was the aching of his body.

Not that he was complaining of course. In his mind a few aches and pains were a meager price to pay for pretty much the best thing that had ever happened to him -- becoming Chat Noir. Sure, the leather suit was a bit.. _chafey_ in certain places, but nothing could compare to the adrenaline rush that accompanied every transformation. He was by no means a braggart (despite having the kind of upbringing that bred that sort of attitude), but even Adrien could admit that he was pretty good at this whole superhero thing. 

He'd like to thank all the anime he's watched in his lifetime for preparing him for this very moment. 

Adrien had been fighting as the black cat for a while now, and at first it had turned his world upside down in the most terrifying way -- how could it not? But after finding a partner in Ladybug and a mentor in Plagg (Adrien would never admit how much he looked up to the little pest or he’d never hear the end of it), Adrien found that the fighting -- the saving people -- it had become natural and something he genuinely enjoyed. And at least _this_ was something he could feel real pride in doing, as opposed to just looking pretty in front of a camera.

If Plagg could hear his thoughts he would probably assert that there was another reason Adrien loved being Chat Noir so much, a reason that happened to be dressed up in a tight red jumpsuit with hair the color of midnight and the most gorgeous clear blue eyes he had ever seen.

_God, even in my own thoughts I’m a cheeseball._

Cringing, Adrien couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at where his mind was traveling -- _it’s no wonder I can never find the courage to confess my feelings to Ladybug, even I know she’d laugh right in my face at that line._  

But it _was_ true, however corny it sounded. Fighting alongside his Lady was undoubtedly the best thing about his new life. She was amazing. More than amazing. There weren’t even words to describe the level of grace, bravery, and selflessness she possessed.

What’s more, she treated him like an equal. Like a friend.  

Their teamwork was incredible, they worked seamlessly together because of how much they trusted one another. Adrien had never felt so connected to another person in his life. Granted, his sample size was smaller than most, what with the homeschooling and all, but even with his limited experience he know what he shared with his Lady was something special. Adrien thought back to today’s battle with a smile on his face -- specifically the way they had double-teamed that hockey akuma and caused him to hit a puck that ricocheted off a brick building back into himself, providing an opening for Ladybug to grab his hockey stick and break it.

As his brain recalled the events of the battle, and their inevitable win, Adrien’s smile steadily faded into a frown. Yes, they had won, but Adrien had been so caught up with helping the newly-cleansed civilian afterwards that he barely gave a second glance to the way his partner had rushed off in urgency. Now that he thought about it, he remembered her mentioning in passing on the way to the battle how tired she was feeling -- and if he thought it strange that they had faced so many akuma lately.

Honestly, Adrien  _had_ noticed, but he hadn’t thought much of it. His secret life wasn’t a burden to him... it was something he cherished.

When he was feeling smothered by having every second of his life organized into photoshoots and Chinese lessons and piano, he counted on Chat Noir to be the escape he needed. He really didn’t have to worry too much about his identity getting out because his home life was pretty conducive to disappearing at random times without being noticed.  _Yeah, t_ _h_ _at's an understatement,_ Adrien practically scoffed out loud. The most he would have to worry about is his fencing teacher wondering why he ditched practice.

Adrien had hated this cold, lonely, stifling existence for as long as he could remember -- he’d never thought he would one day see it as a blessing.

But reflecting back on it now, he could see how his own lifestyle might offer certain opportunities that a normal person’s might not. Specifically, someone like Ladybug.

They obviously hadn’t shared too many details concerning their civilian selves, but he did know that she had a pretty pleasant family and home life. She had let random comments slip once or twice that he’d picked up on… stuff like when she was running late for patrols with an excuse like, “ _Sorry, Papa was goofing off in the kitchen again and I had to stay to clean up a little extra before I could sneak out”_ or “ _I was out shopping for maman's birthday gift for next week, it took forever but I know I found the perfect thing!”_

They were becoming more and more comfortable with each other, if her openness was any indication, and though he held onto those comments like nuggets of gold he never pried further. He knew how important it was to her that they keep their identities a secret, and he respected that.

But even so, any time she felt keen on sharing anything about herself, Chat listened with an eager ear.

Adrien suddenly felt guilty because he knew without having too much information that she was extremely fond of her normal life. He never once considered that being Ladybug might take away from that.

 ...He’d never _once_ thought of Chat Noir as a burden, but that didn’t mean Ladybug felt the same way.

Especially if she was keeping such a huge secret from people she loved! People she was close to, God, it’s no wonder she was so concerned with the increased amount of akuma attacks lately! They must really be cutting into her civilian life.. it must be _so_ difficult for her to balance everything...

And what kind of friend was he to have never noticed this?! Adrien considered Ladybug one of his dearest, closest friends -- much like Nino, Alya, and even shy Marinette -- so if she was struggling and he had yet to notice it, he would never forgive himself.  

Adrien was pacing back and forth on the balcony now, so fast that he almost missed Plagg flying right into his face.

“Hey watch where you’re going!” Plagg was still still yawning from the much-deserved catnap he had taken after the battle. Landing on Adrien’s shoulder he was now eyeing his charge’s upset expression. “And what’s with the frowny-frown? I don’t know what you’re still doing out here but you should come inside and get some rest, kid.”

Adrien hadn’t even noticed the time. He must have spent over an hour pacing back and forth on the balcony just… thinking. Ugh, and he still had homework to do.

Walking back inside towards his desk, Adrien was grateful that it was mainly Physics, something he was good at. He had a few other assignments to catch up on, but it wasn’t like anyone would be up to interrupt him. His father was in Italy for a few more days and Nathalie was no doubt busy with one of the million tasks he left for her.

Deciding to save Physics for last since it was easiest, he got to work on the other assignments he had let pile up. At least tomorrow was Friday… hopefully Nino wasn’t too busy and he’d be able to actually have some fun this weekend. 

Sighing, Adrien got to work. Maybe if he was lucky he’d be able to get a few precious hours of sleep before school in the morning.

 _Ha,_ Adrien chuckled humorlessly as he opened the word document to start his history assignment...  _Lucky._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is! Adrien is starting to realize that maybe his partner doesn't see things the way he does, and he's not sure how to feel about that. Let me know what you think :) 
> 
> P.S. Subsequent chapters will definitely be longer!


End file.
